My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
