I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
