My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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