no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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