after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
