it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
