I hate your face
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Randomize
