everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
