Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
