Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
