It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
