had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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