...so i touched it.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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