Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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