I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
