he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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