hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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