Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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