And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
