And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
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