True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
