I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
either way he was missing a nipple.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
