In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm experimenting with sincerity
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
