I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
