Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
