He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I need moral support for this bender
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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