Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
