Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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