What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
