Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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