I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
