Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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