I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
