I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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