Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
