Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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