is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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