it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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