I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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