im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
