this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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