But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
