we're chasing vodka with high fives
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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