don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Randomize
