$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
as a side note pls kill me
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
