he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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