I look better un-naked...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
