I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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