Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
