if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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