Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
