Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
