I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
