nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
