Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
