and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
