I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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