Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
