Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
