Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
