So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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