Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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