so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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