She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
it's great music for shaving your balls
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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