i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i think my cat just said my name.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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