why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
