She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
