oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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