I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
