dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
