we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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