Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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