420 ftw
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
