There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
