Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
