On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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