not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
