i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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