I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
