god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
