1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
